Title: "Adversity On Gilman: Part 6 of 12"        

         Zero sat on his couch with an old notebook in his lap. It was his journal. He sat and wrote of the happenings from earlier in the day. The last topic in there had been dated back to November of 2000. It was definitely something only for those moments where the day's events would have to be logged.

         As he thought over the next piece to say in his message, there was a soft knock on his door. He looked over at the door and then back down to his paper. He considered just letting them stand outside and knock, but he couldn't bring himself to.

         Not wanting to, he closed the notebook. A quick walk into his kitchen, and he placed it beside the microwave.

         He heard another faint knock.

         He walked back to the door and grabbed the handle. It wasn't locked. He wasn't trying to hide from someone.

         As he opened the door, he saw Carenthia outside. The question of why she would even come back by, though, was something he did not know.

         So he opened the door all the way. She stood there, apparently not knowing how to exactly start the conversation off. So it was Zero who spoke first to her. "Surprised to see you tonight," he said. He said it in a frank, obvious tone.

         Carenthia sighed, obviously knowing that it probably did seem quite odd for her to be coming by after such strange circumstances earlier. "Yeah, I suppose so." Her eyes kept at Zero's face. If she was ashamed or any other of the sort, her eyes weren't showing it.

         Zero was going to keep the initial guard up, in case she was becoming on Mrs. Jenkins' behalf. He didn't know if the two had talked since or not. "Here to ask about your friend?"

         Carenthia put her hands together in front of her. She wasn't trying to be any other way with him other than just for the meaning of why she was there. "Actually, no. I would apologize again, but I..."

         "You've done enough of that for one day." Zero said it with a slight hint of irritation of what had actually taken place earlier in the day. But truthfully, he was past that. He stepped back from the door and motioned for Carenthia to come inside. As she walked in, he stepped behind her and closed the door.

         She turned around to face him. "But I was actually coming by to say goodbye." She waited to see what he would say.          He walked around her and stopped, turning back to face her. "Why is that?" He slowly started making his way towards the couch, but she stood still.

         "I'm leaving..." was the abrupt message she told him.

         Zero stopped at that. He looked at her for a minute, cocking an eyebrow as he thought. "Just... leaving?" he asked. "Do you even know where you're going?" After that, he continued to the couch and sat down.

         Carenthia followed his lead and took a seat on the connecting couch. "Oregon," she replied. "My father has a place there. He runs a small business. I'd move back there until I could find a job and a place."

         Zero leaned forward and pulled a cigarette from the pack on the table. Lighting it, he looked to Carenthia and asked, "Why are you going?" He motioned the cigarette pack toward, asking if she wanted one, but she declined.

         Carenthia sat, noticeably uneasy, on Zero's couch and shook her head a little. She replied with, "I don't belong here. I've been nothing but tricked and made a fool. My mother's friend deceived me. I have deceived Erica, Matt... and you. I just don't belong here."

         Zero realized exactly the feelings that were going through her head. He blew a patch of smoke out of his mouth as he sympathetically, but strongly, responded to her in a quick fashion. "No, listen. I have gone through those feelings my entire life. But running from them doesn't solve them."

         Carenthia started to stir a little more in her seat. She threw up a sentence in her defense. "Zero, no, I..."

         But Zero cut her off by saying something that Carenthia probably never expected to hear. "You're different." He paused, keeping his eyes straight into hers. "You're not like Jenkins and you won't be like her, unless you allow her the chance to make it that way." He finally broke the straight eye lock of the two by looking back down to his cigarette.

         Carenthia waited a moment before responding. She had to calculate in her head what he had just said to her. "But that's just it. If I stay, I'll become just like her." She knew she had a valid point there.

         Zero had a stronger point in rebuttal. "You're stronger than her. You still have some sort of a resemblance to a conscious left." He thought back to what he had told Mrs. Jenkins before he left her apartment.

         Carenthia shook her head. "But you don't realize what she's like. I didn't realize it until today."

         Zero took a small drag from his cigarette. He thought back to all of the memories of Mrs. Jenkins. Oh, he knew her better than Carenthia gave him credit for. "I realized what she is like a long time ago," he said, blowing smoke out with his words. "She tries to tear people against each other. She probably gave you a big speech on how and why you should stay away from me."

         Funny that he should mention that. Carenthia wondered how much this man knew about things. A small grin passed over her face as she replied. "Actually, she did."

         Zero finished her train of thought. "And you listened to her for so long. But you have broken free from her now."

         He was causing her to lose her intentions all together. She had to make her viewpoint valid to him. She wasn't sure why, but she found herself explaining away to him. "But if I stay..."

         But he kept giving a rebuttal to everything she was going to say, even before she finished the sentence. "And if you stay, you'll only now grow stronger."

         So, she sat up in the couch. She put her hands on her knees and looked into his eyes. She had to stand behind her decision. "Zero, I've made a decision." He didn't interrupt her. She continued. "I need to honor it. This place isn't me. Oregon isn't me, either, but it's closer than here."

         His reply wasn't a lot in terms of words used, but it was strong in the raw emotion. "Don't go. If you do, she wins." He put his cigarette out in the tray, but he kept his visual focus on Carenthia. What he said was the bare truth of that that was circling inside of his head.

         She wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't expected him to tell her that bluntly. She didn't know whether to listen to him whole heartily or not. But one thing was certain. She had listened to Mrs. Jenkins for months. This was a time in her life where, right or wrong, she had to go on her own internal instinct. "But if I go, I win by proving to her that I don't have to be her gossip wall."

         Zero only sighed. He knew she was making a mistake. He also knew that he wasn't going to be able to tell her that. "Just give it some time," was the only alternative he could think of to say. "You're a strong person, deep inside of you. That shell has only began to break now."

         Her bags were already packed. "I was leaving tonight," she said. She was just stopping by to say goodbye.

         Zero shook his head. "Not tonight. At least wait a day." He took a small breath and looked over at Carenthia. "Give yourself a chance to sleep and calm your emotions. That's all you're running on right now."

         She was very tired. Tired and stressed. The day had run its course completely smashing through her. So, he did have a valid point. She would listen to him on that one, but she had to trust her own instincts on the finality of the move. "I'll get some sleep tonight. But I will have to leave soon."

         Zero felt that she shouldn't leave. But he knew as well as anyone that you can't convince someone otherwise if their mind is already set. Besides, perhaps the following day would be better in terms of helping her see the right now. "Do what you feel you must," said Zero, "but also listen to what is the right thing to do."

         Carenthia stood up and stretched a little. She started a slow walk back towards Zero's door.

         Zero got up from the couch, as well, and followed behind her as they walked towards the door.

         She opened the door and stood it in for a moment. She looked back at Zero, who was standing right behind her. "I will." Their eyes connected. "Goodnight, Zero. I won't leave before saying goodbye." Their eyes didn't waver.

         As she finally started her way out of the door, Zero said, "Goodnight, Carenthia." She smiled back at him. He slowly closed the door behind her and stood for a minute, thinking back over their conversation. Slowly, he made his way back into the kitchen to get his journal.

* * * * *

         Just a few hours after Carenthia had spoken with Zero, Matt and Erica were discussing the trials from the day.

         They sat on the bed in Matt's bedroom, neither saying much. Neither knew exactly what to say. The day's events seemed like such a blur of facts and fictions. It was a large amount of information to absorb.

         The pregnancy topic was a hot issue for Matt. For the whole day, he had yet to eat a single item. His urge for food was gone. His desire to speak was lacking. The calmness that keeps one's hand still was removed, as he was a shaking, fiddling young man in a state of question.

         He turned to Erica. Neither had spoken for some minutes about the ordeal. "So, does your dad know?" Any possible facial expression was gone from his face. It was just a picture of shot nerves.

         Erica shook her head. "No, not yet."

         Matt tried to fiddle his thumbs, but nothing was blocking out the images and sounds from his head. In a monotone voice, he asked, "When are you going to tell him?"

         Erica couldn't display any more emotion than Matt could, due to the obvious vibes that was being thrown back and forth. In replying, she said, "Never if I can help it." She tried to display some hope for Matt in his time of panic. "I am still not sure. I have yet to take the test." She tried to smile in a ray of hope. "For all I know, I could just be under stress or something. That is something that could hold me up."

         "I understand," said Matt. His voice cracked as he continued. "It's been killing me inside, too, ever since I found out today." He brought his face up to Erica's. "But I want you to take the test, just so we can be sure one way or the other. It's the fear of the unknown that is probably the worst aspect."

         Erica thought back to when Zero had mentioned the test. It must have been a male's natural response when the thought of a pregnancy arose. "I plan on getting one tomorrow." But there was also the female's instinct response to taking a pregnancy test. "I'm really afraid to, but I am going to do it."

         Matt took hold of Erica's hand. "I'll be there for you. It might take me awhile to come around -it's taking me awhile right now- but just give me a little time." He would face the task ahead, whether he thought if he could or couldn't. It was just something he had to do. "Responsibility calls, the bitch that it is," he added.

         Erica nodded her head. She, herself, had realized what consequences lied ahead for both of them if, in fact, she turned out to be pregnant. "It's a lot."

         Something else was bothering Matt. His actions earlier in the day were something that he was still feeling ashamed of at that moment. He knew he should of known better than to believe someone before talking it out with Zero, and man he knew and had trusted for nearly two years.

         Plus, the pregnancy topic was something that he wasn't to fond of discussing. It only made his nerves that much more frantic. So, he altered the subject just slightly. "Hey, umm..." he stuttered. "I just wanted to say, though... I'm sorry about earlier today."

         Erica wondered how long it would take him before he would bring that topic up. She wasn't angry with him. She just figured that he acted in a mad rush. "Zero's apartment?" she asked.

         Matt stirred in his seated position on the bed. "Yeah. I kind of acted in a rush." He took a deep breath. "I should have known better than to think something without talking it out with him first." He sighed in hindsight remorse. "I just don't know what came over me."

         Erica thought back to the two recent instances where she was faced with a confusing situation. Her first talk with Zero was one. Witnessing Matt and Zero fight was the other. "Probably the same thing that has came over me," was how she replied. But then she added, "Except you just handled it a little differently."

         That had an unintended cut on Matt. He figured that everyone was ashamed of him for his actions. "Yeah, I did. He probably hates me right now." He looked off in his room.

         Erica patted Matt on the shoulder. "Oh, come on. You know Lint." She pulled Matt's chin around so that he was looking at her. She looked into those eyes and said, "He doesn't hate someone unless he really has to. It took him forever to even finally tell Mrs. Jenkins off. And look at what she has done to him!" At least she assumed as much. She still hadn't asked him what all he had said to that woman.

         "You're right," said Matt. He knew she was right. That was what made it so hard. Zero wasn't holding a grudge, but Matt hadn't even considered tolerance when he had stormed into Zero's apartment. "I dunno... I don't think I'll be able to look him in the eye for awhile, though. Much less, even to talk to him. I feel like I acted like a fool to him."

         "Well, you did." It was one of Erica's great characteristics. The ability to be blunt, and yet still maintains a friendly atmosphere about it. "But," she added, trying to take away from of the edge her previous statement might have had, "I think he understands and forgave you before he even left the apartment earlier."

         Matt brought his gazing face back to Erica. "Do you think so?" There was true question in his voice.

         Erica done the best smile she could under the current circumstance. "I'm positive."

         Matt shrugged. "It'll be at least a day or so, though." Matt knew that it would take some time before he could rebuild his own trust in himself before he could talk to Zero as he once had.

         Erica rubbed Matt's shoulders in compassion. "He'll understand." She added a soft pat.

         But it didn't help to calm Matt's nerves. He laid his hands onto his knees in one, quick motion, before stirring again in his seat. "Ok. Ok, I don't know what to do right now." He looked to Erica, and then to his ceiling. "My nerves are shot and my mind is blank." Apprehension about everything in his life was getting to him.

         Erica, someone who had sought Zero's helped in dealing with her stress, now found herself in a position as the helper. She tried to calm Matt, as how Zero had tried to calm her a few days earlier. "Let's just try to get out of this hole," she said in a soft tone. "Sit here and lets talk about something, anything. Just as long as it can help us get out of the pregnancy train of thought." Her soft eyes infiltrated Matt's.

         He stirred, yet again, in his sitting position. He folded his arms across his chest. His voice cracked the moment he spoke. "Yeah..."