9/20/00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . .

but

Parting is such sweet sorrow . . .

but still

Don't call it the end, for the end is too final of a word. . .

but one must realize

Rest in peace.

Where do I begin?

        It's been almost two years since I first entered the HEW training camp. Time drug through that thing. If it had not of been for the debt I owed the bartended, I never would of even shown up in it. I didn't even start that fight and cause all of the damage, but I guess that is the past now. Where was I? Oh . . . if it had not of been for that, I would of never entered, or even considered, joining a wrestling league. But yet, I went to the HEW.

        I can still remember how weird it was at first. I was only going to stay in the league long enough to keep the money installment needed to pay back the bartender. After that, I planned on leaving, coming back to this. Berkeley. Well, I'm still in Berkeley, but I am also still in the HEW. Funny how things can change, but never differ, all at the same time.

        A lot of things happened during those early months. I can not recall every specific detail, but the moment of winning the Hardcore title does stand out. In a way, it was something I could almost take pride in. It was something, or, at least it felt like something that I could belong to. It was also something that would belong to me.

        Looking back, it was just a piece of gold. Something created by a man, just like all of the other titles. There was no more value on it, in literal terms, than any other title. There was an emotional value, though, that I put on it. Something that I really established with it, and set the wheels into motion for it. It was also something that served almost as an establishing piece for me. Not a goal I ever had in mind, but something that put me there, none the less.

        I guess, though, that was a certain moment in my career. It established me as a "hardcore" wrestler. I had no idea what it was, other than what I naturally felt compared to do when I wrestled a match. It almost seemed second nature to throw a guy through a table. I had done it many times before in fights in Berkeley.

        The dark days came, though. I just am thankful that, after all of this time, all of that has been cleared up, at least officially. Unofficially, people still see me as the killer. For all I care, though, they can rest six feet under with their opinions. It isn't going to affect me.

        I guess, in this topic of HEW, I couldn't go any further without bringing up Karen and Havoc. It hurts when someone you love turns their back on you. It hurts even more when they are turning their back on you, to face your enemy with outstretched hands. But, I guess I should of been ready for it. I should of expected it. It was too good of a thing for it to last. That was one lesson I had forgotten.

        The "crowning moment" of my HEW career was more of an emotional torture session. Havoc and I went through hell for over a year with each other, spawing in both the HEW and CSWA with our inner contest. It went through the standards of normalized wrestling, and into a personal battle that never even started to center around a girl, and now that she's gone, has no sigficance regarding a girl. I guess the feelings between the two of us are that personal.

        One thing I know is, this Saturday, no matter how personal the battle may be, it all ends with the count of 3. The end of the HEW has come, which means, the end of life as how I have known it for the past two years, comes to an end, as well. It is such sweet sorrow, to see something grand as the HEW, something that I grew into it, or more like, it grew on me, come to a close. Even more so, to see the end of the saga between Havoc and I come to an end truly personifies the term "bittersweet." For, I might be gaining a new lead in life, but I am also losing a portion of my existence that I have come to know as part of my daily routine.

        The world will continue to spin, babies will continue to be born, and politicians will continue to lie . . . but the HEW will continue no more. It has lived a grand life, it has been for the greats who have walked through the doors, but like all great things, they must come to an end. And Saturday, as the survivor between Havoc and I emerges, the HEW will then . . . breath it's final breath, before dying into an existence only reserved for those things that will be looked on as simply . . . legendary.